A Procrastinating Perfectionist
Welcome to my blog/ portfolio / cyber thoughts / all the other things I plan on adding to this thing.
I’ve been meaning to create a website for a while but of course I never got to it. I worried about a ton of things like: what content would I post, would my writing be good enough to post publicly, who would even care, would I have enough time to dedicate to it and how could I make it perfect.
This semester I took my first film class, it forced me to finally create the thing I’ve been wanting to make for so long. My endless doubts prohibited me from building my online presence but now I had an excuse to take time out of my day to nurture it.
I spent hours creating the layout and design of how I wanted my website to look but I realized it was still bare. I knew as the semester went on that I would be adding my work to it but I didn’t want that to speak for who I was.
The website then became a blog but what’s a blog without a cool title … I sat down and thought about a short, clear, and concise way to describe who I was. I realized that that was too hard. I then decided to take a different approach. Instead of describing myself, how would I describe the way I work, after all this is my space to present it. It wasn’t long until the two words popped into my head. Procrastinator and Perfectionist.
Since I can remember I’ve always held off on work until the last minute, most if not all the time. This isn’t because my lack of responsibility or will to do work - but simply because I have this way of obsessing over things to the point where I can not even get started on something until it is due.
This sounds like a bunch of weird excuses but it has really worked for me. I’m here… thriving. Sure I’ve had plenty of sleepless nights but it was all worth it knowing that I got it done exactly how I wanted it. The ends justifies the means sort of thing.
I began to accept my work ethic as it was until something happened.
C O L L E G E
I have learned and learned quickly that college is not the place to wait until the last minute to do anything. It didn’t take a failing grade or a late turn-in to realize this. The work load honestly left me no room to leave things off until the last minute. I can still get away with cramming for tests but not as much as I did in high school.
There was another thing that made me second guess my philosophy to doing work. I began to learn things I was actually interested in. I was able to start creating, writing, and doing work on my own terms. From freshman year paper assignments to sophomore year in proposing my own summer research; I’ve had the freedom to do whatever I found interesting. High school limited me in this sense, a blessing and a curse.
So while I still obsess over my work and take a little more time than needed to get started, I’ve definitely gotten much better in managing my time while having a finished product that I could be proud of.
Family, friends, professors, future employers, I hope you get a sense of me through this website. I hope you enjoy my tangle of loud thoughts and academic work. I will have more stuff to come!
I began drafting this blog on February 13th.
Today is February 24th.
It is still not finished. And it wont be posted until it's ready.
It is now ready.
Today is March 19th.
Somethings just don't change.